NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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