I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
