i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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