I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
