The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
