It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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