shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
