I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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