drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
