I have demons in me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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