I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize