May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I got inside last night via doggy door
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
