I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
