literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
