My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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