the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
