Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
