It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
