Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
