How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
