Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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