That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
