the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
