Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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