Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
