I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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