look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
