cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
