Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
