Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My vagina just recognized that song.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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