now i know why i became what i already was.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
