you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He better not be in your backpack
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
