I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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