Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
