too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
