You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
