I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
