Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can tuck mytits in my pants
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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