woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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