Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She bit a glass in half.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize