i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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