there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
