I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
