you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
