I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
