Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
