When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
