My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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