Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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