THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
