The maid of honor just puked.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
