I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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