Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
