i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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