Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
