why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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