my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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