I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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