A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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