good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
