life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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