i just sent this text using only my big toe
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
