He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
