you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
