Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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