White coat. Heels.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
