After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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