Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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