Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
