Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
