Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
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