When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
