DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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