I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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