Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
