so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
