she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
