Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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