Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
