she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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