Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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