she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
