Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
