What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
