I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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