when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
