I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dude i'm inner monologue high
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
