i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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