why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
