whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
