dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize