best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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