He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
