Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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